I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
