dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
