On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
