Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
