Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
