I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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