My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
