Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
