Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
