what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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