I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
