Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
