I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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