It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
