When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
