May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
