oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
