im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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