I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's Friday. Sex?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
