Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
