I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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