i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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