your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
