Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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