chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
