naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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