alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
