The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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