no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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