Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what day is it and did you see me today?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
