God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
