"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
