Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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