I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
