how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
