wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
a search helicopter?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
