Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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