yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
