Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
