Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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