I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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