I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
