i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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