I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
