What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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