the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
