No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
