Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
