she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
