So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
