I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
