I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
